when turkeys attack

killer turkey on the loose...

so a coworker sent me an e-card today about a turkey escaping with its head, and that, coupled with this link i saw yesterday reminded me that i have never written down my killer turkey from outer space attack story.

for christmas 2011, oliver, ian, and i bought oliver's parents a trip to fredericksburg, to be taken on their anniversary.  (valentines day).  part of that present was that oliver and i would go mantain the farm while sheila and dave enjoyed a relaxing weekend in the wine country. 

their house is outside of huntsville in the woods.  its a gorgeous home surrounded by their man-made pond, tons of gardens (including veggies), a shop, horse and chicken pens, and then the woods continue on behind their house.  its where we had our engagement party and where we usually have the mccartney side thanksgiving. they have two horses (smokey and chloe), 3 dogs (kubo, shasta, and bear), 4 peacocks, tons of chickens, and probably a snake or two.  and a turkey.

so on the weekend when sheila and dave were enjoying a great weekend in fredericksburg, oliver and i were heading to the farm in huntsville to feed the animals twice and day and generally maintain the house.  during that saturday, oliver was working on his old truck, which was parked at sheila and dave's house, and in doing so, ended up getting his new truck AND the old truck stuck in the mud.  after hours of trying to dig them both out, the neighbors finally took pity on him and brought over their tractor to pull out the truck. 

so already, this was not a super great day. 

after the truck debacle, we were getting ready to go to dinner at a nice restaurant in huntsville (his parents had surprised us with reservations and a gift card) but we still needed to feed the animals and get ourselves ready.  the truck thing set us back a bit, so i went off to feed the chickens while oliver worked on the dogs food and started on the horses.  i had already fed the chickens their morning food, so i was confident in my dinner-time feeding, but mistakenly, i wore a halliburton red jacket into the pen while feeding them.

mistake # 1: apparently, you do NOT wear red in front of a male turkey in mating season. 


the turkey started squwaking and running at me, flapping its wings and doing these little hops.  i didnt know what to do, so i grabbed a stick and sorta waved it at the turkey.  in the meantime, i was also trying to herd in the female turkeys so they could get their dinner.

mistake # 2: don't try to herd female turkeys in front of their male while wearing red while said male is in mating season.

this made the turkey even madder, which in turn made me even more scared.  i backed out of the chicken coop and tried to shut the door on the turkey, but he was a sneaky little devil and followed me out into the horse pen.  i kept backing up, waving my stick at him, and he kept charging me, waving his wings around, gobble gobbleing at me, and generally being a bully. after about 20 yards of our turkey dance, i realized he wasn't going to quit.  and i sure wasn't going to turn my back on him and run, so i really started panicking at this point. 

the dogs, being ever so helpful, were running down the outside of the horse pen barking at me and Tom the turkey. i couldn't tell if they were cheering him on or me.  i started to really freak out and was screaming olivers name. "COME SAVE ME!!! THIS TURKEY MEANS BUSINESS!! ARGGHHH!!!"

he, again, ever so helpfully, says "just wave the stick at him!"  sigh. men.  "I HAVE BEEN WAVING THIS STICK FOR 30 YARDS, ALL THE WAY ACROSS THIS PEN! HE IS GOING TO SCRATCH MY EYES OUT! "

finally, my loving husband (fiancee at the time) grudingly came over to save me from the killer turkey attack.  he bascially raised his arms over his head and ran at tom, and tom ran away.  i burst into tears right there in the horse pen, and oliver didnt know whether to laugh at me or to stomp away in disgust.

after i calmed down, we fed the horses (actually, one of the horses tried a short reenactment of the turkey attack on me, but oliver got him to quit) and then cleaned up and went out for our nice dinner.  they didnt have turkey on the menu, or else i would have ordered it.


The End.


PS.  Guess who we are eating for thanksgiving? 

kristin